I HATE being weak!

It's absolutely miserable to admit you're helpless. It's also the quickest way to a humble heart that unlocks God's power in your life. So here's what I've been doing as God's been showing me for the FIRST time in my life just how helpless I actually am.

• First - I'm learning to be remarkably honest with God. For about 6 months now a particular type of divine awareness has been burrowing itself into my consciencness so that my spiritual weakness and moral helplessness have ceased to surprise me. No longer do I think 'I can't believe I did that!' but instead I think 'OF COURSE I did that!' Jeremiah 17:9: The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately sick. Who really knows how bad it is?
• Second - In spite of the above reality, I'm being schooled in the art of laying before God my heart's desire. 'Lord, I desperately WANT to be free from the pressure and stress that dominates my inner thought process. Always needing to be better than I'm actually capable of being generates a self-centered, sickly type of Christianity (Oswald Chambers) that keeps me hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I'm tired of this Lord. You've shown me how weak and helpless I actually am. Now, my heart's desire is that You'll teach me the beautiful relief this humble attitude creates so that my focus will switch from me to you!' Psalm 56:1c+4a; 21:2 :...the battle has pressed me all day long [but] I praise God for his Word, I trust God so I am not afraid. For you have given [me my] heart’s desire; you have withheld nothing [I've] requested (emphasis mine).
• Third - As the above takes hold inside my mind and heart, I'm FINALLY grasping a profound spiritual truth: Romans 8: I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Indeed, neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—nothing in all creation, not even the powers of hell will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (part, emphasis mine). 

In the end, as my thirst for Christ grows, I'm free to take my eyes off myself and fix them on him. He, in turn, wraps me tight in his arms and whispers in my ear all day long 'My dear Julie, I know you're weak, but I'm not. I know helplessness consumes you but I also know your heart's desire is to be liberated. Remember, the same power that raised Christ from the dead is alive and well and working in you right now. Trust the Holy Spirit's diligence and little by little you'll find the freedom I meant for you when I paid for your sins on the cross centuries ago.'